boys and bibles.....
boys and bibles.....
Sometimes I feel insecure like many of us do. My insecurities get to me so bad that sometimes I can't even sleep at night. Last night was one of those nights, I let myself get discouraged even thought everything was fine an hour or so before I layed down.
I have always been a "go getter" and when I have my mind set on something I do it, but it almost seems like I never fully commit to something because this little voice in my head tells me "I'm not good enough" it also tells me "you look dumb" or "everyone is laughing at you" and I know those words are the enemy trying to discourage me from speaking the truth and that truth is the word of God.
Like I said I couldn't sleep, the boys fell asleep at 7:30 and I was worn out but my mind was playing tricks on me so I decided to turn on the light and open my Bible. I would like to tell you that is something I always do but that would be a lie. But I told myself "no" I wasn't going to get into that dark place that made me quit, made me question what I was doing and made me worry what others might think.
When I went to Passion, Priscilla Shirer encouraged us to read from Ephesians, so that's what I read last night.
The Whole Armor of God
"Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil." (6:10-11)
"And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." (6:17)
"for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak." (6:20)
Just some highlights that really spoke to me last night..... I am tired of playing it safe, I want to speak BODLY about God despite my insecurities because He is worth it and He is my courage and He is my strength.
I finally went to sleep last night and I had a dream that I was in high school again and I was playing volleyball. I didn't play volleyball in high school but it is something that I have always regretted not trying. In my dream I was nervous because I was afraid I would embarrass myself. I let that dream sink in for a second and then reminded myself....
If we are always afraid we will embarrass our self and never try anything new... we will always live in a constant state of "regret". I don't know about you, but I don't want to regret not speaking loudly and boldly for Jesus.
So despite my insecurities, I have decided to keep on going with the things I said I wanted to do. I pray that you would realize your worth and that you are more than good enough to do anything you want to do. God didn't put us on earth to hide in the corner and play it safe, he wants us to make disciples and spread the Good news, which is Him.
I have a short story about controlling our own thoughts....
I want you to know that I have been really trying to change my thoughts. I decided that 90% of the anxiety, fear and shame I have is in my head. The 10% actually does exist but we all may have a different view. The 90% is filled with "what if" "I hope" and "if they". We may not be able to control things that are going on in our life but it doesn't help when all we are doing is thinking about everything that could happen.
Things we cannot control....
4. The Weather
5. What kind of mood our kids are going to be in when we take them out in public.... okay I'm getting personal here.
Things we can control.....
1. Our thoughts.
2. Our faith.
3. Our words.
4. Our happiness.
5. Our relationships.
It's not easy and it takes work but we can still control all of those things.
Okay now to my story..... I guess Satan was really trying to get under my skin because I completely failed at controlling my thoughts. The day before I emailed one of my professors (not my respiratory professor, but my Music Appreciation professor) Unfortually I have to take this class to graduate in December. I was supposed to send him an email for orientation so I did and it said:
"Hello, my name is Tia Jenkins and I seen where I was supposed to email you...."
yes I said "I seen" but you all already know that my grammar and spelling isn't great... I guess he needs to just read my blog to know that. His reply went something like this....
"I think what you meant to say was "I saw" not "I seen"."
Things I wanted to reply with....
"HAHA....lol I'm so srrry"
"Oh yeah, I saw that now"
"Actually, that is exactly what I meant because I typed it and that is how I say it."
Dang.... who would have thought my music professor would be so strict over one email. I wanted to write him back ALL day with some smart comment but I didn't.
Things came left and right after that, and then the highlight of my day was buying a brand new CD (I know who still buys cd's??) I got in my car and BAM my CD player was broken.... WHYYYYYYY!!!!! I mean it was even a Christian CD, I know he is a rapper but it's still good Christian music. I'm totally kidding, I know God wasn't trying to punish me and I'm not saying the devil messed up my cd player in my car. But the devil does know how to get under my skin, and he likes to control my thoughts. What we need to tell the devil is to "back off" my thoughts are my own and I can think the way I want to think, act the way I want to act, and say what I want to say.
The things that were playing out this day wasn't even apart of the daily struggles in my life, it was all because I let some email control my whole entire day, so the silly things were a big deal. I later realized that I could look at things the way I wanted to look at them and that I actually learned something from that mean email. I learned how to use "seen" and "saw" you know the things you learn in elementary school.
I really enjoy writing but like I have said a million times, I struggle with grammar and spelling but I am learning...and that day I learned something new! So thank you Mr. Music Professor my blog readers thank you too.
That was a silly story but it's the truth. We let our thoughts control our daily lives so why not look at things with a better perspective? If one silly email ruined my whole day what is going to happen when a storm of tragedy comes my way? We need to start with the little things so we can be prepared for the big things. So join me with one of the hardest challenges I have ever faced, and start controlling your own thoughts.... now it's not easy so here is what we need to do...
2. Read the Bible.
3. Talk to God all day everyday.
4. Encourage other people.
5. Don't speak when your angry.
6. Make yourself learn something from every obstacle that comes into your path.
I am pretty sure what I experienced at Passion 2018 was just a portion of what it will be like in heaven. I missed my boys and Payton but I honestly was super sad when I got home because it was back to reality. The weight that was off my shoulders was piled right back on but it seemed to be much heavier. I started to feel what Christine Caine was telling us....all the lies! "You're not a good a mother." "You can't do this." "Everything you do is wrong" all the lies the enemy wants me to hear.
"If you don't know what Jesus says about you, you will believe what the world says about you."
- Christine Caine
Don't let the enemy win! All the lies in your head are just what he wants you to believe so you will go into hiding. I was on a Jesus high and I had a feeling this would happen and it's not easy but I told myself that I want to have the confidence in myself to know all of those things are lies.
I want to share some of my favorite quotes and notes from the amazing speakers with you all....
Satisfaction in God is satisfaction in a PERSON.
not a thing.
not an idea.
Speaking Truth can make God angry.
- True things spoken with half truths
- True things coming from a proud, un-loving heart.
(just some examples)
He also said something that really hit me about "doing." I feel like I am never doing enough in the church, or even in everyday life. We can DO DO DO all we want but if we don't have delight in the Lord then it's all for nothing! Have delight in the Lord first!
1. Love God (Delight in Him, it's not what you do)
2. Love People
3. Do everything in the Glory of God.
4. God is glorified in you when you're most satisfied in him!
and we are not talking about being most satisfied in the gifts of God but God himself!
Let Him be your silver and gold!!
"The unfinished work of the Church is to make sure that every person on earth hears about the finished work of the Cross."
- Louie Giglio
"Come as you are.... but don't stay the way you are."
- Priscilla Shirer
Man, I love me some Priscilla Shirer!!! I can't even go into great detail about her message because it wouldn't even be close to what I experienced. She is a warrior for Christ and a good example for every woman. She reminded me that in a world of social media we are all living for a applause from other people when we should be living for the applause of heaven!
I wish I could go into more detail but I won't be able to give it justice so I just wanted to share some of the highlights. I wish I could be in that atmosphere every single day but one day I will be. People say Christianity is boring.... I laugh because of what I just experienced.... but it also makes me sad that they will never experience the full joy and peace that Christ can give.
2018 is approaching quickly and honestly I haven't made any new years resolutions. I love making new goals for the new year because it gives me something to work on, we are all imperfect people so there is always room for improvement. First, I like to think about my whole year, a time to really reflect.
Some things I have learned this year.
1. I can actually do this whole mom thing.
In 2016 Payton and I had to adjust from having one small child to having two small children, and honestly it wasn't hard at all. This year however, we have had to adjust to having two toddlers...much harder. With Payton's work schedule it leaves me outnumbered a lot... and you know how hard it is to get two toddlers ready and out the door before Sunday School?? ugh... I just reminded myself of tomorrow. It's not so fun, but I have learned that I can't change the way things are but I can make the most of them. I try to make things easier on myself and always grab Pals for breakfast (just a lame excuse) I just love Pals! But anyways... doing things with the boys alone is not easy and sometimes it's not very fun but the more I do it.... the more I am reminded that I can do this!!
2. If I put my mind to something.. I can do it!
In high school I struggled with my grades because all I wanted to do was goof off. This year I was excepted into the Respiratory Therapy Program at Mecc and so far I am doing way better with my grades than I ever did when I was younger. It just has showed me that if I put my mind to something I want then I can do anything!
Some things I am proud of in 2017.
1. Bo's Speech
I'm going to try and not get teary eyed but this was a struggle for me this year. I always knew Bo was behind in speech but I just kind of always hoped that we would eventually get caught back up. This past summer I really noticed how far behind he was during Bible School, when all the other kids his age (even younger) could sing along to the songs. Bo couldn't even speak in sentences like other kids. After we talked to his doctor multiple times about this issue she finally got us in to see a speech therapist. Bo is actually getting ready to be discharged from speech therapy and we are so proud of him. He has came such a long way and he is speaking great!! He is still catching up to other kids but we know he will get there from all the progress he has made.
2. My Husband
I am proud of all the hard work Payton does for our family. He has made a lot of sacrifices for me to go back to school and I will forever be grateful.
3. Not passing out during clinical.
If you would have told me in high school that I would be doing something medical I would have laughed in your face considering I once passed out in class from watching a movie that had a woman giving birth in it... oh and not to mention the other time I passed out at a war reenactment. I have taken blood from patients and seen a C-section and no passing out!! 2018 is another year but hey I will take it so far.
1. Instead of running from things I want to face them head on! I constantly worry about things that haven't even happened and a lot of times this anxiety ruins my daily life. I am honestly tired of living this way, because I may not be promised tomorrow and if I am constantly worrying about tomorrow and it doesn't come... what's the point?
2. I want my relationship with God to grow even more this year.
3. Cook more!
4. Finish school.
5. Be basic... and workout!
6. Start preschool at home with Bo. Get him ready while I am home.
7. Instead of complaining... do something about it.
8. Focus more on what I am doing... and less on what other people are doing. At the end of the day people are going to do what they want and think the way they want to think. I do however have all the control on what I do, say and think!
I hope everyone has a happy and safe new year!!
My intent with this blog was to be encouraging and to be 100 percent honest with everything. So to be honest... I am the one that needs some encouragement. This post was going to be a "Christmas Recap" post but things changed when I was once again reminded that I should never take my kids out in public. I mean, I don't know if it's because I have two kids or if it's because they are both just wild but it seems like one is crying, one is running away or one is rolling on the floor. Most of the time... it's both of them acting that way. I hardly ever see any other kids acting this way at the time either.... I even got a "look" from another fellow Mom...ugh that's the worst!! Don't get me wrong, I really believe I have great kids... yes they are probably moody mama boys but they are good. I think every time I take them somewhere and they act like this I just feel like I have failed, and I question everything I have done as a mother and it honestly sucks. I know you have felt this way too, I mean your human and no kid is perfect, and maybe you haven't felt like this YET but you will, I promise. I feel like as mothers there will times and certain circumstances that we just cannot control the way our kids will act and we shouldn't be so hard on ourselves. Like adults, kids have flaws too, and I'm not saying that we should just use that as an excuse and we shouldn't do anything about it because I mean hey if one of my kids throw a huge fit and slap my face I won't just sit there and say "well it's just one of their flaws." I am saying that we should remember what our kids are good with and what they're not good with so that way you can be prepared for what is going to happen instead of wondering if your being a bad mom. My nanny told me once, as I was talking about how hard it is to take the boys anywhere, that she didn't take her kids anywhere but church when they were that small.... so maybe she was on to something. Easier said than done, but next time I do decide to bring my kids out in public I am going to remember how they like to act and instead of crying inside, I am going to have to suck it up and do my best to teach them and work with them until they can understand how they need to act in public.
It's easy to judge what someone might be going through, but do you ever just sit back and think... hey I could be wrong? I am guilty of this, many times I say things about others as if I know everything they are going through. Guess what??? We don't. It's hard to believe but we all see things differently.... here is an example.... let's say you just witnessed a car accident but multiple people witnessed it as well. I guarantee at least some people had a different view about what really happened... sure the outcome was probably the same, but seeing it at a different angle than you means they seen it happen differently. Am I being confusing yet? Okay so what I am trying to say is...just because you see things a certain way doesn't make it true. People can put on a smile all day long but that doesn't mean behind closed doors they are not crying... Someone with an expensive car, house & a bunch of new material things doesn't mean they're not really broke... and just because someone tells you something about someone doesn't make it true. I feel like this is just a random rant, but this is something I need to try and tell myself more often so I wanted to share. Also, the boys have been sick for a week and they are finally better!! I washed my hair for the first time last night, put on makeup for the first time today, and I have been dying to talk about something! I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!
Below are some of my new favorite Christmas Movies for kids.... I cried watching all of them!
Christmas is always a busy time for us and frankly last year I was glad to see it go and I hate that! I am tired of living stressed out during the most important times in our lives. I want my kids to actually want to be around me when they are older instead of trying to avoid me because I am being a crazy basket. Oh to be a kid again... Christmas for me was such a magical time and I didn't have a worry in the world because all I had to do was show up to parties and eat and open gifts...that was the life! Occasionally I was in our play at church and the only time I was stressed out was because I had to play an old woman and of course my glasses wouldn't fit on my face right and I looked ridiculous... I will never know if people were laughing at the way I looked or if I really was being funny. But anyways this year I was going to be different... simplify the best I can!!
1. simple décor
WHAT??? who wants to be simple for Christmas? I know for me I get way stressed out when it comes to decorating especially when it's time to box everything back up. This year and okay almost every year we keep it simple!
2. Less Gifts
We both have big families and it is so hard to buy for everyone so this year we talked to my sister and her husband and my sister in law and her husband and decided to NOT give each other gifts. Don't get me wrong I love to buy people gifts but I mean...we are adults... if there is something we want we can just get it ourselves. So that was 4 presents we didn't have to buy this year..... and honestly that made a HUGE difference.
3. Don't Stress about Holiday attire
I kind of felt guilty this year because Bo has a bunch of Christmas outfits and Ben I think has one! Don't get me wrong I was tempted so many times to go out and buy Ben some Christmas shirts but I mean come on.... he wouldn't be able to wear them next year and so it would basically be a waste of money. Don't worry Ben... you will be able to wear Bo's next year! Same goes for me... I want to dress up and look cute for Church, parties etc.., but I am doing a challenge where I can't buy any clothes until January... sighhhhhh but when did Christmas become a fashion show?? Isn't that what Easter is for?? (sarcasm) If you don't have the extra money.. don't waste it.
4. Christmas Cards
I hopefully will have these sent out Monday, but no promises. This year if you don't get a Christmas card it is because I plan on seeing you sometime for Christmas. I decided this year cards would be sent to those who we don't see as often or at all.
5. Make it about Jesus...
Santa brings the boys 3 gifts! and that's it and we get the boys stocking stuffers and that's it.... Jesus received 3 gifts on his birthday and that's why Santa brings them only 3.... I think that's fair enough, right?
6. Just enjoy FAMILY!
I love Christmas because I get to spend it with our families and honestly that's why I loved it growing up. I want my boys to remember all the special memories they made and not the things they received.
Okay that's it.... no real advice or tips just maybe some motivation for next year if your breaking the bank this year or going crazy!!
Have you ever been in a situation where you were so upset that you just wanted to say a big cuss word out loud?? Yep, we have all been there... I don't care who you are. A week or so ago, I ran into the dollar store with the boys.... Ben was sick and wanted to be held so I was holding him and the stuff I was going to buy. Of course that day was super busy and we were stuck in line... well a second cashier came available. I was the third one in line and the lady in front of me told me to go on, so on my way over to the next line a lady decided to hurry and jump in front of me even though I only had two things and she had a basket full of things.... yeah you talk about someone being heated! It took everything I had not to just explode on that really inconsiderate person. It blew my mind how rude someone could be but unfortunately we live in a very selfish world where people only look out for themselves. So as I was standing there I was thinking of all the mean things I wanted to say and of course after she left I was mad at myself for not saying anything at all! After about 30 minutes I had forgotten the whole thing and I wasn't mad anymore. I then thought to myself, I wonder how I would have felt if I would have said something really mean.... more than likely I would have regretted it. I know in the past I have regretted when I had said something that shouldn't have been said. Many times the devil with tempt us to say things we shouldn't say... especially when we are upset or angry.
"Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends."
"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."
"Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips."
So I found something on this topic and this is what it said...
"God tells us in His Word that the tongue has incredible power. We can use our tongue to bring blessings and life or curses and death. The saying "sticks and stones can break my bone but words will never hurt me." is simply not true. Our tongues can be the most difficult thing to control and leave us with great regret if we use our words to hurt. There is hope! The Bible tells us that with the help of the Holy Spirit we can have power and control over our tongue."
I just wanted to hop on here and talk about something with you guys..... I want you to know my intention with this blog. Do any of you follow any bloggers??? Ya know... not the ones like me.... the ones who have like 16K followers on Instagram??? Yeah... just so we are clear that is not what I think is going to happen at all! I mean first of all I am so cheap I didn't even get my own domain, I just done the free version!? Second of all.. a lot of those bloggers do blogging as a job and this is more like a hobby to me. I want to encourage other people in their walk with Christ while also growing my faith and my relationship with him. Really my main goal is to make the blog 100% for God. I want to reach other Christians and I also want to reach the lost. On my Instagram I use a lot of hashtags because one simple hashtag can reach millions of people. It's crazy what social media has become but it can be a blessing if we use it in that way. I want to be open and 100 % real with you guys, my life is not perfect and I don't want any of you think that I think I have it together and that's why I started this blog. Listen.... I am still potty training my 3 1/2 year old, I currently cannot take my kids out anywhere because I can't get them to mind when we are in public... so this blog will not be about any tips on living this perfect "mom life". Do you know that some moms actually have you pay them to tell you how to be a happy, stress free mom??? WHAT? Is it actually a thing to be a stress free mom??? I'm not all about that and please don't be fooled... like I said social media can be a blessing but it can also be a place of fantasy. Thank you to those that have taken the time to read my blog posts so far and I hope you keep enjoying them. Either enjoy them or make fun of them.... either way your here and your reading!
Bitterness.... oh how you can destroy someone. I have seen it first hand so many times, it really is a destroyer of all things good. Bitterness comes in all shapes and forms, I know occasionally bitterness will come and visit me when something has triggered a memory or maybe you know someone that is bitter and it really effects you.. I know it does me. I have learned that instead of letting bitterness destroy me I can do something about it. So how can we deal with our bitterness?? This is how I am trying to look at it... how many times have I hurt God? Let him down? But yet he forgives me over and over.... Why is it so hard to forgive the ones we love but it is so easy to forgive a stranger?? If God can show me grace, love and forgiveness then so can I. It may not be easy but it can be done....prayer prayer and more prayer! If your bitter about something give it to GOD right now.... as your reading this just stop and give it to him... be FREE and don't let it destroy your life. Life is not easy and we were never promised a easy life where we wouldn't have any trials but what we do have is a God that listens and a God that cares.
"And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25
" Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but 77 times." Matthew 18: 21-22
So what about dealing with bitter people?? What do we do??? I honestly don't have any other answer but pray for them . Life is such a great gift so sometimes spending it with toxic people can really put a damper on things....well unless we don't let it! I have looked up ways to deal with negative people and a lot of times it's basically saying "Don't be around those people." well I can understand that but man I would hate to think that because I was being difficult Jesus would stay away from me. Like I said this world is not easy... we cannot live in this bubble when things get hard and people get hard.
"Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs."
Maybe we can deal with difficult people in love, patience, kindness, gentleness and SELF CONTROL. I know getting mad is so much easier than praying for someone...
We have control on our thoughts and how we can look at things (this is something I am trying to remember for myself).